Dumbass of the Week Award

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2018/05/11/cheetahs-chase-tourists-at-dutch-safari-park-after-family-gets-out-car-to-snap-pictures.html


I know it's Fox News but this video says it all. So you're on safari, or in a safari park and you spot a few cheetahs lounging about. What do you do? Well, those with sense would more than likely keep a good distance away and take a picture or two from your vehicle. Not these bozos...and they have a baby with them too....

*facepalm*

Copy and paste the link above into your internet browser to view video.

Help for the Offended

Feelings hurt? Didn’t get what you want? Feeling life isn’t being fair to you?

Then cry some more! Call O-1-1 and complain!! O as in the letter…or 5 if you are too stupid to look at your phone and see what that number the letter O is assigned to.

You’ll talk to other whiners and complainers who can help you find some libtard movement to become a part of, call the media for you to blow the whole thing out of proportion, or offer you help in ordering a pacifier, a coloring book, crayons, a blanket—weighted or extra-large baby, and hell, even some Valium if you need it. The more offended you are, the more help you can get! Be sure to tell your Crybaby Advocate your location so you can find the safe space closest to you that has gun-free, drug-free, and truth-free zone signs posted.

Just dial O-1-1 and listen to the prompts:

For English press 666, for a list of all other languages, press 1.

If social media hurt you, press 2.

If you overheard a joke you found offensive—even though you had no business ease dropping, press 3.

If you feel sad because you didn’t get a participation trophy or unending praise at work for just showing up today, press 4.

If someone’s yard display, i.e. nativity scene, Halloween decorations, etc. offended you and you feel you have the right to tell people what to put on their own property, press 5.

If you are calling because you dropped your lollie, press 6.

If you feel violated because a man told you that you looked good today, press 7.

If you are mad because someone doesn’t agree with you and you know all your opinions are facts, press 8.

If you are calling because someone said the words, fat, ugly, slow, dumbass, slut, best friend, or absolutely any word you felt labeled someone or something, press 9.

The  numbers for the following options must be pressed in quick succession!

If you felt someone was pushing their beliefs because they are a hateful Christian and who said for you to have a “Blessed day,” press 10.

If you feeling you were treated horribly because you were being stupid and someone called you out on it, press 11.

If you are absolutely horrified because someone let the dog out in any weather under 70 degrees and over 75 degrees, press 12.

If you are equally horrified because someone accidentally stepped on the cat’s tail, press 13.

If you are calling because you saw someone reading the books Gone with the Wind, or To Kill a Mockingbird, and it made you feel oppressed or made you paranoid that the person reading it might want to oppress you even though they have no idea who the hell you are and are just enjoying good literature that might make them think about how bad things were, press 14.

If your child is studying factual history (not whitewashed to make it appear that really bad things didn’t happen to certain people or that they might find out about a person who hurt your or someone else’s’ ancestors), press 15.

If you feel it was unjust that someone was talking about whatever and didn’t include you—even though you don’t know, or barely knew the offender--and the conversation didn’t include all races, gender identities, ethnic backgrounds, people with disabilities, kids who were bullied, autism, all religions, etc., whether the conversation had anything to do with them or not, press 16.

If your brat got on Facebook and spouted a bunch of political bullshit he or she knows nothing about and received backlash, press 17…NOW! If you're the brat in question, go back on Facebook and cry about being bullied.

If you were denied welfare benefits because you think work sucks, press 18.

If you are a criminal and feel sad because no one trusts you now, press 19.

If you feel some people think they are better than you because not everyone is just like you, doesn’t think like you, possesses gifts you don’t have, has their own life, is thinner than you, has a better financial situation than you because they worked for it, or won’t share their marbles and you can’t make them, press 20.

If you are upset because someone told you criminals don’t follow laws no matter how tough the laws are, press 21.

If you’re pissed off because you can’t marry your teddy bear, press 22.

If you’re mad because you’re a feminist who screws everything that moves, has different baby-daddies, runs around displaying your “assets”, and feel you are being ‘sexualized’, (and someone dared laughed at your pussy hat), press 23.

If you think it’s an injustice that people don’t accept your decision to identify as a tree instead of a human, press 24.

If you’re upset because disability denied your claim and laughed at you for saying you had PTSD because you watched a scary movie, press 25.

If you’re mad because you weren't allowed to bring you’re service goat into the grocery store, press 26.

If you’re a spoiled brat whose parents hurt your little self-esteem because they DARED discipline you because you were being an asshole either by putting you in the corner, yelling at you, grounding you, taking away your phone, or god forbid, giving you a swat on the butt, press 27.

If you’re crying because someone isn’t your friend, or simply doesn’t like you, press 28.

If you just can’t take it anymore because everyone in the world, especially those who really want to do you harm, won’t join hands and sing Cum-bi-ya, because you felt that asking them to “please stop” would make them change their minds, press 29.

If you are completely overwhelmed and on the verge of or are screaming like your mama died because a candidate you voted for in some election didn’t win and you just have to change this, press 30.

If you’re a straight, white, Christian male, please hang up and go drown yourself now--everything in the world is absolutely your fault.

If you’ve forgotten why you got offended but are still crying, feeling sad, or mad, please wait on the line and a qualified Crybaby Advocate will answer your call shortly.

If this hotline offended you in any way, hang up, get a life, a JOB, a hobby, or something because you obviously have too much time on your hands—or better yet, close your internet browser and don’t read it. Get off the internet or your smart phone and go spend time with people. Some of them actually love you for some reason.

To repeat these options, please press #*@1

Laziness

I seem to be too lazy to post anything on this blog. It's not that I have had a whole hell of a lot to do.

I will be substitute teaching this fall...oh those poor little kids!

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

My dog's breath smells like poop.

The contestants on History Channel's Alone are nuts. I don't normally like reality shows. Hey, what happened to actually showing History type shows on this channel???

I am too into collecting vintage toys from child hood...maybe I should post something about that.

Meh.

Good night, everybody!

New Year's Deception

It might be mid-January but I still have thoughts of those little lies we tell ourselves on January 1 every single year: New Year's Resolutions.

How many people actually keep these?

"Oh I'm going to lose a ton of weight this year!"

"I'm going to stay out of drama this year!"

"I am totally going to start working out!!!"

Then on December 31, you are still sitting on your fat ass pissed off because a relative or some so-called friend that you don't have sense enough to throw out of your life keeps causing you problems or won't shut up about your business or their own. You get up huffing and puffing to the fridge for another whatever-tastes-good at the time snack.

You promptly feel like shit.

But tomorrow is a new year!! Let's make a new start!!

You automatically feel unbelievably better and intend to get started TOMORROW!

And so the cycle goes...